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Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
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Deez Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
LMAO! There is nothing "wrong" with me. You do realize people are different, right?  If an open relationship doesn't work for you, then don't engage in it. It's not for everyone.

Calamansi, do you personally know any couples in an open relationship? I'm not trying to be snarky; I'm genuinely curious. I know two couples in an open marriage and the wives sure as hell aren't falling in love and running away seeking commitment because they already have all that and more at home. Of course, it can happen, but that can happen in a monogamous relationship as well.

Would you argue that the reason Jada hasn't left Will Smith in their 20 year open marriage for someone who can offer her a monogamous relationship is because she's never slept with the same dude multiple times? What about Angelina Jolie, Mo'nique or Eric Dane and his wife? Same thing? Again, not trying to be snarky. I just want to hear your thoughts.

It would be great if you can give some useful advice instead of just telling people they're sick because of an alternative lifestyle.
(This post was last modified: 06-02-2016, 08:56 PM by Deez.)
06-02-2016, 08:50 PM
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calamansi Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Come on, man. Don't read too much into it. I never said you're sick. LOL. "What's wrong with you" is an expression. One can have an opinion without necessarily being judgmental. (Then again, I'm not entirely sure how people are using the word judgmental anymore. It seems the younguns like to call someone judgy every time someone has a different opinion. LOL.) Anyway, for me there's a difference. I'm not telling you how to live your life or that you need to stop getting into relationships with sloots. Yes, I understand people are different and have different preferences. All the power to ya, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, I 100% support your freedom to chose.

That said, I have an opinion on open relationships and I wouldn't really want one. And my opinion on others pursuing it is not that you shouldn't want it, but that to want it is something I find strange for men to want. I think it's odd how there seems to be almost an overwhelming majority here, almost cultish, (and while we're at it, there are plenty of guys here with absolutely no bones about judging the shit out of guys who hide their transgressions from their women), wanting open relationships with people they supposedly are in love with.

More importantly though, is that everyone always seems so surprised when they end up with a girl who likes them and says she's not down with it. No kidding!

I don't personally know any couples in an open relationship. So what? In fact, that only supports the fact that it's quite unusual. And I'm sorry but even if you threw out a dozen more examples of women in open relationships that "work", they still account for a tiny percentage of women. I would guess that if you asked 1000 women, you'd be lucky to find 10 that want to and could handle a long term open relationship. There are exceptions to everything so picking out one or two here and there really doesn't mean much.

If 10 or 15% of women wanted that and could handle it, then I'd be on board with just shrugging and saying "different strokes". But the percentage is so small, as far as I can tell, that it's a deviation. (Not saying that judgmentally. Just a fact.)

When I say, "women", I don't mean every single last one on Earth. Of course, there are women who are in open relationships and are fine with it. They are sluts. (Again, not judging. But I don't want to marry a slut, that's all. And I can't understand why a guy would want a slut for a wife either.)

I'd love to offer you some advice, but contrary to how one guy here has seemed to brainwash many of you into believing, you're NOT going to take a "normal" girl that hasn't already come to the conclusion that open relationships are awesome and convince her that it is so. It's just not going to happen. You *might* convince a girl to accept it for a short while, but she will almost certainly revert to wanting a monotonous relationship. Making this happen is about as likely as turning a straight guy gay or vice versa. Any apparent change is only in behavior, not feeling.

The only advice that I can offer that is realistic, besides just cheating like a normal guy, is to dump this girl and go find a slut cuz that's what you are wishing for. If you do that, good luck finding that needle. Otherwise, learn how to cheat without getting caught. Every guy I know who has gotten caught it was due to them being careless. If you care about the girl enough to not be careless then you won't get caught.
06-02-2016, 10:56 PM
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Hicks Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
"Of course, there are women who are in open relationships and are fine with it. They are sluts. (Again, not judging."

Cal, there was a lot of good stuff in your last 2 posts but this made me laugh.  Throwing out they are sluts and then saying not judging...you're smart enough to know saying not judging after making a judgement doesn't make it true.  A lot of girls who engage in these type of relationships might be what you would deem a slut but that isn't the case all the time.  Some girls have very low sex drives and will allow their partner to engage in sex with other women.

Ultimately it comes down to human nature.  I know I've mentioned the book a few times now but I truly believe 'Sex at Dawn' is one of the most important books ever written and should be compulsary reading for everybody.

I don't think we'll ever have an absolute agreement on a topic like this but I also think we can all accept that different people want different things, have different tastes, and have different standards.  All you can ever do is what's right for you and respect others as long as they're not harming anybody else.
(This post was last modified: 06-03-2016, 12:59 AM by Hicks.)
06-03-2016, 12:56 AM
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calamansi Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
LOL. I knew someone would comment on that.

But really, I'm not judging when I use the word slut. I've explained that a long time ago in another thread so maybe you haven't seen it or don't remember, but I really am using the word descriptively to talk about women that aren't particularly discriminant about who they sleep with or women that sleep with many partners. The judgment is in the reader. I don't really look down on those women, and lord knows they are quite nice to have around sometimes. haha. That's what I mean when I say I'm not judging. Admittedly, there are times where I have used the word with judgment, perhaps when their threshold is *too* low, but you can usually tell by context what I mean. Maybe not. haha

The point you bring up is a good one, and I agree that a woman with a low libido SHOULD 'allow' her man to wander, but the context of this thread is that an "open relationship" is where both partners are sleeping around.

Still, the point I brought up before about sucking out some other guy's come is valid. I don't know for sure how long traces of sperm remain in the cavity but it has to be several hours if not days. That just grosses me out. If some guys are cool with licking my sperm off their girl's pussy, have at it but I don't want to. LOL

Ultimately, I do accept that everyone is different and and "judge" people on very very little. I will openly tell you ('you' being used as a placeholder for 'someone') how I think you giving a girl anal is fucking gross but that doesn't mean I look down on you for it or literally think you're disturbed for it - at least not in a meaningful way. LOL.

Maybe I should just avoid the word slut because the word, to many people, IS loaded with judgment. But at the end of the day there's no word that holds the definition of sleeping around that isn't loaded with judgment because most people are judging the behavior regardless of the words you use.
06-03-2016, 03:07 AM
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Hicks Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
" I don't know for sure how long traces of sperm remain in the cavity but it has to be several hours if not days."

I was once told it stays in the saliva for a matter of months. I have no idea if that's actually true though.
06-03-2016, 03:15 AM
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calamansi Offline
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Post: #21
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
I know from medical sources that it "lives" in the vagina for about 5 days, which is why it's particularly dangerous if you bang within a week of ovulation. But where does it hang out and can it still wash out? I don't know.

Months in the saliva sounds very much like an urban myth. I can't fathom how that's possible unless it gets stuck in between her teeth somehow. LOL.

Interestingly, and the jury's still out on this one, apparently if a girl has a child by another man, HIS genes will show up in the next guy she has a kid with. I don't know all the details or how true it is, but man, that's fucked up. In fact, I might be misremembering it. I'm wondering if it's guys she had a kid with or guys she fucked...? Anyway, that's a scary thought. LOL. When I first heard about it, I dismissed it as ridiculous. He produced a study about flies. "But we aren't flies. LOL" That's my take on it.
(This post was last modified: 06-03-2016, 03:40 AM by calamansi.)
06-03-2016, 03:35 AM
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Dash Global Offline
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Post: #22
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
A slut is simply a woman who sleeps around outside of a committed monogamous relationship.

Not necessarily a bad thing.

Depends on the person.

Really not even something one can judge. Either she is or she isnt.
06-03-2016, 03:36 AM
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SpecialEd Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Slut doesn't have a negative connotation in my mind anymore than man-whore does. Women say it more than men so...

That said, I'm not down for open relations either. That's fucking weird.

Women should be monogamist. That's their evolutionary imperative. They only have one egg. Men have trillions of sperm They can only get pregnant once at a time, whilst men can knock-up dozens of chicks if they want. Etc..Etc..

That's why sluts always age badly imo...they weren't meant to dicked by every tom, dick, and harry.
06-03-2016, 03:40 AM
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calamansi Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
^ What's your stance then Ed? Not down for open relationships, so that leaves you with, a woman that accepts you fucking around, you hide it from her, or you're monogamous?
06-03-2016, 03:44 AM
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calamansi Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Side note... Has anyone here been caught cheating? And I mean, no room left for doubt. Maybe she walked in and saw you, or was suspicious and you admitted it to her.

If you've ever been caught, what was the girl's reaction? Did she freak and dump you? Or did she freak but ended up coming around and being even more attracted?

One thing I've found IME is that the more reason I give a girl to believe there are other girls (never with proof but something with fairly incriminating evidence), the harder she seems to hang on and want to come around more. Always remember Shaggy! LOL
06-03-2016, 03:51 AM
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SpecialEd Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
(06-03-2016, 03:44 AM)calamansi Wrote: ^ What's your stance then Ed? Not down for open relationships, so that leaves you with, a woman that accepts you fucking around, you hide it from her, or you're monogamous?


I've never done a long-term relationship. To get myself locked into one, she'd have to be quite exceptional. Don't see it happening...

Honestly, I'd still probably be banging on the side..discretely. I realize that's a huge chauvinist double-standard, but I am what I am.
06-03-2016, 04:04 AM
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Dash Global Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Only had one relationship my whole life. And that was only 2 months lol

You got to really love your SO to stay faithful as a man.
06-03-2016, 04:22 AM
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Rick91 Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
First and only girl I developed proper feelings for was a walking creampie. Never again.
06-03-2016, 04:37 AM
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Dash Global Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Have only developed feelings for 1 girl. It was a summer fling (I knew her for a year prior).

She was awesome. We gelled so well. Sometimes I wonder had I not went off to college how my life would have ended up.

We would surely be married with kids.
06-03-2016, 04:39 AM
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Rick91 Offline
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Post: #30
RE: Girlfriend Won't Agree to Open Relationship
Mine was a married bar girl. To be honest there were some warning signs things wouldn't work out.
06-03-2016, 04:41 AM
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